I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
