D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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