thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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