well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
