I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
