does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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