I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
