I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
