yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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