Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
