But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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