So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
