I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
