Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
