Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
