I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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