mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
