I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That accounts for only three of the penises
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
