So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.