Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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(917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l

Replies (19) Good night (3263) Bad night (795)
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(419): View more from Ohio

It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.

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(419): It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo. http://tfl.nu/e5lr

Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (3781)
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(770): View more from Georgia

i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

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(770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv

Replies (27) Good night (7185) Bad night (1390)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.

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(404): Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center. http://tfl.nu/it0q

Replies (18) Good night (998) Bad night (4467)
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(845): View more from New York

Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.

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(845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was. http://tfl.nu/ww86

Replies (12) Good night (3566) Bad night (1264)
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(917): View more from New York City

My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.

(917): View more from New York City

Also pregame at mine tomorrow?

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(917): My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat. (917): Also pregame at mine tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/3lzk

Replies (3) Good night (3233) Bad night (1012)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.

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(202): Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful. http://tfl.nu/bz9e

Replies (7) Good night (3258) Bad night (1085)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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(919): Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible... http://tfl.nu/6e9j

Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (1057)
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(650): View more from California

Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college

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(650): Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college http://tfl.nu/e5ta

Replies (1) Good night (1430) Bad night (662)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK

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(412): THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/h557

Replies (7) Good night (2168) Bad night (717)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex

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(808): Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex http://tfl.nu/i4z0

Replies (13) Good night (636) Bad night (3120)
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(360): View more from Washington

I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off

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(360): I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off http://tfl.nu/h8mk

Replies (11) Good night (2279) Bad night (604)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.

(1-913): View more from Kansas

You're my favorite person

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(913): I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that. (1-913): You're my favorite person http://tfl.nu/9772

Replies (7) Good night (1218) Bad night (515)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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(203): Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard http://tfl.nu/pmzn

Replies (1) Good night (811) Bad night (374)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it

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(978): It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it http://tfl.nu/22ti

Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (784)

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