How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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