You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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