Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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