she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
