I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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