Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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