It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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