Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize