Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When are your genitals available?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
