I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
