i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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