I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
