All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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