i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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