I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
