Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
