We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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