They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
