Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His nipple licking is glorious
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