I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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