His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
