I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
