wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
