Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
