I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize