I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
