just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
