You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
