your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
