shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
