You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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