How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
