dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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