All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
