Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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