Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
