Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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