if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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