I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
