I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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