how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
