I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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