I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
