ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
