She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
