dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
