I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
