the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
