Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
