Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
