u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
