oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
