Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
