I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
