Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
