Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am one with the molecules
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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